Fangs For The Fantasy

Elena is walking in the middle of the street by herself and for some reason, she decides to lie down. In the house, Stefan is worried that they are going to lose her because Elena’s humanity is one of the things that makes her who she is.  Damon tells Stefan that it’s only been a couple of days and reminds him that Elena is a vampire and that shutting down is one of the perks.  Stefan reminds Damon that Elena burned down her family home with her brother’s dead body still inside but Damon flippantly replies, “it saves us the trouble of having to do it ourselves, I call that a win. Worse case scenario, I’ll invoke the sire bond and tell her to turn it back on.”  Stefan is not convinced and says again that Jeremy just died and that if they force all of that grief on her all at once that it is going to overwhelm Elena.  Stefan suggests that they need to give Elena a reason to turn it on.  Damon says that they will show her a good time and that people like to have fun.  Outside a car approaches Elena and a woman comes running assuming that Elena is injured.  When she runs back to get a blanket for Elena, Elena attacks her.  Damon has to pull Elena off the woman and she explains that this woman is the first person she has seen in days whose body is not laced with vervain and that she is hungry. Damon points out that if she is going to start leaving bodies all over the place that people are going to start asking questions. Elena replies that she does not care and moves to feed again. Damon pulls her away again and says, “I can’t believe you’re making me say this, show a little restraint.” Elena drops the woman on the ground and walks away.

Hayley is at a truck stop and stops when she hears a noise. A vampire begins to attack her and Klaus pulls him off saying, “that’s no way to treat a lady,” before making short work of the vampire. Hayley is happy to see Klaus who comments, “you did say that it was urgent.” He adds that she was foolish enough to make a deal with Katherine and now she is nothing more than a loose end and will be lucky if Katherine lets her live. Hayley reminds Klaus that he promised to protect her and Klaus replies, “I will, just as soon as you tell me everything you know about Katherine.”

Elena is in the shower, while Damon and Stefan discuss plans for her.  It seems that Damon wants Elena to go back to school, but Stefan is not keen on the idea of going and playing chaperone and reminds Damon that he has to go and find the cure because Elena needs it now more than ever.  Caroline walks into the room and says that she believes taking Elena back to school is a fabulous idea.  Damon is surprised to see Caroline, who explains her presence by saying that their house has the only vervain free showers in town, thanks to their fancy water filters. Caroline says that Liz believes things are going to get worse and so Damon agrees to go after Katherine and instructs Caroline to take Elena to school.  Stefan and Damon head into the bathroom to tell Elena the plan and she says that she has nothing better to do.  Damon then uses his sire bond to tell her to go to school, learn, study hard and not eat anybody.

Elena is now at school and she takes down a flyer announcing a memorial for Jeremy.  Caroline is on the phone leaving yet another long message for Tyler.  Matt approaches Caroline to ask about Bonnie and Caroline says that Bonnie is fine and that she’s just a little drained from everything.  Elena interrupts the conversation to ask about getting her old spot on the cheer leading squad.   Caroline replies that she thinks this would make Damon really happy.

Damon is now at Klaus’ and says that he has come up with a list called, “things you suck at: number one, finding Katherine.  Number two, covering up your secret conversations with that backstabber Hayley. So where is she and what does she know about Katherine?” Klaus asks why he should help them, since they killed his brother and then imprisoned him in the Gilbert living room.  Damon tells Klaus that he needs to prioritize because Katherine has the cure and his guess is that she is going to want to use it on him.  Damon suggests that he gets the cure and gives it to Elena so that everyone wins.  Klaus replies, “I can’t help you mate, Hayley’s off limits.”

Liz and Stefan are talking and she tells him that the entire blood supply from the hospital is missing.  Stefan asks if she is accusing the vampires and Liz replies that this town is at a tipping point and that one more unexplained house fire and things are going to tip over.  Liz then apologizes and says that it’s been a rough week.  She adds that Miranda Gilbert was one of her best friends in highschool and to see what’s happened to her family.  Stefan promises that he will do whatever he needs to, to help. Liz replies that he needs to because whoever stole that blood put a lot of people in danger and risks exposing all of the vampires, including her daughter.  Liz asks if Stefan can think of who wants blood that badly.

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Because urban fantasy is thought of as unimportant fluff, it often gets a pass on many of the isms that it perpetuates. It never ceases to amaze me that in a genre which is filled with fantastical elements that so many find it difficult to create a world in which serious issues and marginalisations can be discussed or included in anything approaching a realistic or inclusive manner. Appropriation is absolutely rampant in the genre and it is quite common to take serious issues and minimise them by equating them to fantastical creatures. The viewer or reader is meant to identify with the issues of the supernatural creature, even as the portrayal leaves so much to be desired that it ends up stigmatising the very issue that the genre is supposedly discussing.

One of the recurring topics which urban fantasy has sought to integrate is addiction. One of the most obvious examples in the genre is clearly Being Human (UK).  Vampirism in Being Human (UK) is clearly a metaphor for addiction because the vampires in this series can exist for extended periods of time without consuming blood; however, the moment they are turned, they develop an overwhelming desire to consume blood. Essentially, the battle for each vampire seeking to assimilate is to forgo the consumption of blood thereby; making the consumption of blood a moral failing. By making vampirism a metaphor for addiction, Being Human (UK) is essentially saying that addiction in and of itself is monstrous and so are the addicted. This is highly problematic because even though those who love and support the addicted individual suffer, no one suffers more than the addicted person themselves.

It is clear that Being Human (UK) is attempting to create an equivalency between an addicted human and a vampire. While to some degree the biological nature is explored because it is not coincidental that children of alcoholics are far more likely to become alcoholics themselves. However, a propensity for addiction does not make addiction an inherent part of any person’s nature, not even if they go on to become an addict. This contrasts sharply with the blood hunger of a vampire which, by definition, is an inherent, unchanging biological element of who and what they are.

Being Human (UK) is not the only Urban Fantasy to use themes of addiction when it comes to the supernatural. We’ve seen the same themes in Buffy, Secret Circle and even the latest season of The Vampire Diaries, have their addictive dark magic episodes and themes, Being Human (US) even had body hopping addiction with Sally. It’s common in books as well, with Chloe Neil’s Chicagoland vampires exploring magic addiction. Addiction, whether it be to blood, magic, forbidden arts or innumerable other supernatural elements continues to be raised in the genre - but in nearly all cases, addiction is linked to the damage it does to others. The addict is shameful and needs to be stopped not for their own sake, but because of the people they hurt. No-one is stopping Willow or Mallory or worried about Cassie’s dark magic because them living with addiction so much as they are afraid of the people their powers will hurt. No-one is concerned about the difficulties vampires must endure with their blood addiction, interventions are motivated by fear for their victims.

In all cases, the addict is dangerous, a predator, a threat. Not a victim, not someone who is ill, not even someone who needs help particularly, so much as someone who needs to be controlled - not for their own good, but for the good of others.

We see this continue even with more direct addictive parallels. In True Blood vampire blood, V, is addictive and traded as a narcotic - and we do see it treated this way and very well with Andy Bellefleur fighting his addiction with Jason’s help. This is one of the few good examples on television as Andy is treated as an addict, one who needs help for his own sake not for the safety of others but to regain control and power in his own life. However, V also makes people stronger and more dangerous, so Andy Bellefleur’s struggles exists alongside packs of werewolves on V being extra savage and more violent and a threat to those around them. The message of the burden of addiction and recovery from Andy runs along side the monstrous, supernaturally powerful and enhanced addict with the werewolves.

Another element that these depictions of addiction of miss are the causes of addiction. While many people become addicted in many ways and along many paths, the addiction we see in the genre is usually either inherent (i.e. a vampire is “born” with an addiction) or someone stumbles across the substance/magic/whatever, likes it and becomes addicted (as is often the case with Black magic). While this does happen, it’s hardly the only or even the most common story. Many addicts are self-medicating or have been driven to self-medication. Poor mental health services, lack of support nets, violence, trauma, poverty, stress, hopelessness and a huge variety of other pressures can drive people to seek support, comfort or even oblivion however they can. It’s no surprise that marginalised people make up a disproportionate number of addicts, not due to some moral failing (though the hate groups often spin it that way) but simply due to the extra pressures and less support marginalised people often have.

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I normally summarise books before reviewing them, a brief synopsis. I can’t do it with this one, it just devolves into sarcasm every time I try.

Anyone who has read Fangs for the Fantasy for any length of time will know we have something of a love/hate relationship with The Vampire Diaries TV show and are frequent critics. Well, let me take this opportunity to say something good about the TV show and its writers – I am impressed, no, amazed – that you managed to extract anything even semi-redeemable from this book. I thought pulling the Buffy the Vampire Slayer series from that awful film was impressive, but this is downright miraculous. With book reviewing there’s always a strong element of the subjective, though I have to say, in the past I have been bemused that some people can be such fans of things I’ve hated. This book doesn’t leave me bemused, it leaves me wanting to hold its fans, comfort them and assure them that they’re good people and don’t need to punish themselves like this.

So why do I hate this book? Let me count the ways!

First and foremost is Elena herself, one of the most unpleasant protagonists you’ll ever have the displeasure to meet. And this is from someone who has read Twilight, Sookie Stackhouse and even The Aurora Teagarden Series (previous candidate for “protagonist we’d most like to chop up and bury under the rockery” prize). You know those YA novels with the ridiculously over-the-top popular mean girls, the Satan Cheerleaders? That’s Elena! I can’t imagine how anyone is supposed to sympathise with this girl. She’s unbelievably selfish and self-absorbed – everything is about her. People who aren’t her friends fawn after her (especially if they’re “plain”) and are treated like servants, she just dishes out orders and expects to be obeyed. Her 2 friends Bonnie (who is characterised by having woo-woo) and Meredith (who isn’t characterised at all) and her ex Matt (the one person who accuses Elena of being a self-centred manipulator, then apologises when her lip starts wobbling and the waterworks begin) exist to serve. Matt goes to the prom with her knowing she’s stalking Stefan, Bonnie and Meredith abandon their dates to go find Elena, everything they do is about Elena. They have no independent purpose in life – they serve Elena and she expects them to.

The way Elena treats her friends is appalling. Not just the servants she deems unworthy of friendship (though those are servants – and flirting with a boy even while his girlfriend watches in tears? Totally ok), but Bonnie and Meredith as well. After the second or possibly third attempt to stalk an unwilling Stefan, they both suggest that maybe, just maybe she might want to let it go – to which she loses her ever loving shit and storms off telling them both she’ll find new best friends (and they still follow her! Aaargh!) The way she speaks to them is appalling, it really sounds more like a boss to employees they don’t like very much. And Matt? When she breaks up with him she tells him what he feels (because it’s easier for her to pretend he doesn’t care) and then uses her ex as a servant to help her snare her new man. And then is actually jealous of him because of his friendship with Stefan. She had a friend, Caroline, who has turned into someone I’m supposed to hate, I guess, and stopped fawning after Elena but I want to cheer her on. Go Caroline, escape the terrible Elena servitude. Of course, Elena doesn’t care WHY her friend is angry and forgets about her for weeks on end, focusing on Her Man She Will Claim. And it’s not just friends – with someone in town attacking young people, Aunt Judith is often worried about Elena. Does Elena care? Not a jot! Judith’s worries are brushed aside with contempt – she stays out until 2:00am without calling and when Judith is upset it’s a side reference at best.

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When Elena wakes, she is in bed with Damon and they are both dressed. Though Damon points out that this would have been so much fun if they were both naked, he says that he was being a gentleman.  I am actually quite happy that they didn’t have sex because Elena’s inability to say no, would have made it an act of rape. Damon points again that Elena is sired to him but she says that she is not ready to let go of how she feels.  Damon again says that he told Stefan that he would set her free and they interrupted by Bonnie, who has been teaching Jeremy how not to kill Elena.  Elena asks Damon to come along with her to her family’s cabin.

Klaus is busy painting a giant snowflake as his donation to the winter wonderland charity event.  Adrian shows up and Klaus tells him to deliver the painting, but Adrian is not at all impressed with being ordered about. Adrian grabs the painting and leaves, as Stefan quips, “Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves.”  Really? Who exactly thought that this was a great line considering that the writers constantly write scenes which praise the antebellum south, have referred to Bonnie’s great grandmother as a handmaiden rather than a slave, and have refused to admit that the old Lockwoood property was a plantation?  If they are going to invoke slavery they need to follow that up with some decent racial inclusion and at the very least end the high praise of the antebellum south that The Vampire Diaries constantly engages in. Stefan tells Klaus that Elena is sired to Damon and Klaus says that he retrieved the hunters sword from Italy. When Stefan questions whether or not Klaus actually found the sword, Klaus grabs it from his vault.

Adrienne goes to see Tyler to complain about having to continue to serve Klaus, though he is no longer bonded to him.  Haylee tells them all that she has found a witch who is going to save all of their lives. Tyler heads off to the fair to see Caroline, where he tells her that Haylee found a witch to move Klaus into a different body and then they plan to bury the body in concrete. Tyler says, “this started with me and it has to end with me,” as a way of justifying why he has agreed, to let Klaus take up residence in his body again.

Jeremy is splitting wood at the cabin, when Elena and Damon pull up.  Bonnie walks out to Jeremy and takes the axe away from him. Bonnie and Jeremy then walk towards the cabin door, which Shane opens.  Damon is surprised to see Shane and Elena admits that she invited him.  When Elena and Damon arrive at the door, she tells Jeremy that this is his house now and that he has to invite her in.  The moment Elena enters, Jeremy pulls out a stake and attempts to kill her.

Caroline calls Stefan to say that she is in a crises. Stefan tells Caroline that Klaus’ sword decodes Jeremy’s tattoo. Caroline asks if Klaus handed over the sword and says that they need to get their hands on the sword because the hybrids are taking out Klaus that night.

Caroline is looking at Klaus’ painting and tells him that there is something lonely about it  When he offers her champagne, she says no because there are too many adult prying eyes and that she doesn’t want to end up as a cautionary tale at the next town meeting. Klaus answers, “it’s a good thing that highschool is almost over.”  Caroline changes her mind about the drink and then moment Klaus leaves to get it for her, she texts Stefan to let him know that Klaus is officially distracted? How many times is Klaus going to fall for this? He is supposed to be an original vampire, how silly can he be to keep falling for the same distraction?

Stefan is on the phone with Damon, while he is searching Klaus’ home.  Of course, Stefan now cannot find the sword.  Damon tells him to kill Tyler before he gets to Klaus or tell Klaus about the hybrids, so that he will kill Tyler.  Stefan replies that no one is killing Tyler and asks where Elena is today. Damon says that Elena is running around trying to reprogram Jeremy and then lies about breaking the sire bond.

Jeremy is tied to a chair and candles are lit.  Shane says that he is teaching Jeremy to have his subconscious recognise Elena as someone he loves.  Shane instructs Elena to talk to Jeremy and so she talks about the memories they have associated with the vacation house.  Elena tells Jeremy that their parents would have wanted them to stick together and fight for each other no matter what. When Shane asks Jeremy how he feels about Elena, he says, that she is not even his real sister and is the reason why everyone that he has ever cared about his died.  Seriously, Elena may not have liked the sound of that but it’s the absolute truth and so it’s too bad they had to make his comments all about the mark. Jeremy vows to kill Elena, even if it means he dies himself.

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It’s been a rough time for Black people on TV.  On The Walking Dead T-Dog made room for his replacement token by nobly sacrificing himself for a White lady (and then was duly forgotten - did anyone even mention him in the latest episode? Was he already forgotten?)

Of course, nobly sacrificing oneself for a White lady is a major pastime of Black men, on The Vampire Diaries we had a randomly appearing Black hybrid (his name is Chris, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t take time to remember him, given the history of the show) die for the sake of Elena. We should have known something was up by his speaking part and seemed to almost be free of Klaus. To add salt to the wound, the people sacrificing him seemed hardly perturbed - and only Tyler insisted this man actually had worth and deserved to live, Caroline was rather dismissive of his death, but then, she was probably hungry after her dinner plans were spoiled. This follows the death of Connor (at least establishing him as a villain didn’t raise even a puff of hope that he’d actually live for any length of time). That’s 2 Black men who died for the sake of making Jeremy remotely relevant to the plot. Any POC around Mystic Falls better learn some useful magic, Matt is still looking awfully pointless.

Over in Haven, Tommy, one of the only 2 regular Black characters the who has ever appeared on the show has established his villainous nature and been dumped into an unlamented grave. And duly forgotten - seriously guys, the major antagonist of the season seems to be dead and did any of you even mention his name an episode after?

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Elena is lying in bed, full of angst and so decides to get up and have some warm milk.  A voice says, “can’t sleep,” but when she turns around she is all alone.  Suddenly, Connor appears and tells Elena that it makes sense because she has a guilty conscience. Elena is frantic to believe that Connor is a ghost, but he grabs her and chokes her from behind.  When Connor goes to attack her, she stabs a knife through his throat, but the person she actually stabbed was Jeremy.

Jeremy is now laid out on a couch and Damon and Elena are talking.  Elena is worried about what she is going to tell Jeremy and Damon says she should thank him for not ditching the family ring. When Damon asks why Elena didn’t call Stefan, she says that she is still mad at him and that he has been lying to her. Stefan walks in and Damon admits that he called him.  Elena goes upstairs to wash up as Jeremy comes back to life.

Stefan heads upstairs to talk to Elena and says that he wants to help her, but Elena is not interested.  Stefan brings up the fact that she turned to Damon for help, but Elena reminds him that it was Stefan who decided to work with Klaus. Stefan tries to tell her that it’s not what she thinks, but Elena does not want to hear it.

Tyler comes downstairs and finds Chris and Hayley still drinking to mourn the loss of the hybrid we lost last episode.  Interestingly enough, Chris is Black and I wonder how long he will last and if he will be yet another token to be quickly killed off? Hayley has her flirt on and Klaus interrupts and is pissed that Dean was unsuccessful and that Elena killed the hunter. Tyler asks why Klaus cares that Connor is dead and Klaus replies, “I have my reasons, but they have ceased to matter.” There’s a knock at the door and it’s Caroline dropping off Tyler’s things.  Tyler tries to tell Caroline that it is not a good time, but she shoves the box at him.  Klaus says, “by the break up drama unfolding before me, I assume that you have met Hayley.”  Klaus and the other hybrids clear out to leave Caroline alone with Tyler.  It turns out that Hayley let Caroline know that Klaus was there but when Tyler and Caroline kiss, the look that Hayley gives them, suggests that she would be more than willing to push Caroline out of the way.

Elena is in the shower and when blood pools at the bottom of the tub, she freaks out and steps away. Elena quickly hops out. Downstairs, Damon and Stefan are talking when Klaus calls.  Stefan tells Damon that if Klaus finds out he knows, then they are both dead.  Klaus is not impressed but Stefan says that if he hadn’t been sworn to secrecy that Connor would not be dead right now. Klaus tells Stefan that the hunter was one of five and that they will find another. Klaus asks if Elena has started to hallucinate yet and then knocks on the front door.  Klaus reminds Stefan that he killed the original five hunters.  “Because the hunters were spelled by witches to kill vampires, if one is killed, then he will take you down with him,” Klaus says.  Klaus adds that Connor’s death will not prevent him from making Elena his last vampire kill.  Klaus’ big plan is to lock Elena away and keep her away from any sharp wooden objects.  Stefan says that Elena is not going anywhere with him.

Upstairs, Connor appears in Elena’s mirror.  Elena tries to say that she wasn’t herself but Connor replies that she is a monster, who deserves to die.  Elena runs downstairs but instead of seeing Damon, she sees Connor, who says that he is rotting in an unmarked grave because of her.  To escape, Elena runs outside and Klaus grabs her and disappears, as Damon walks onto the front porch and calls out her name.

At the school, Jeremy shows Matt his hand and asks if he can see the tattoo. Of course Matt cannot see it and asks if the mark makes him the next chosen one? April shows up with the professor and April asks why he looks so familiar.  Once again, April is in search of Rebekah. Personally, Rebekah can just stay in the plot box because I find her entire character useless and annoying.

Back at Elena’s, the Salvatores have once again leaned on Bonnie.  Can her character ever do anything but concern herself with what is going on with Elena? Bonnie says that if she could do anything to help she would but she can’t.  Damon is not buying that, even though Bonnie says that the witches won’t let her do the magic to break the curse.  Bonnie says that she can ask Shane for help.  It irks me that Damon does not even stop to consider what the consequences might be for Bonnie, because he wants his precious Elena safe.  Stefan leaves saying that he is going to get Elena back, while Bonnie and Damon do their thing.

In the meantime, Klaus has imprisoned Elena in a dark room to prevent her from taking off her daylight ring and burning to death.  Elena says that she would never do that and Klaus answers that she will want to. Klaus admits that he did but could not die because he is immortal.  Klaus says that he went through this for fifty-two years, nine months and five days.  Elena asks if he knew that this would happen if Connor died and if Stefan knew as well.  Klaus responds that what Stefan knew is that the hunter had to be kept alive.  Elena asks what else Stefan knows and how he made it stop. Klaus answers that he didn’t and that eventually it just stopped, before leaving the room and locking Elena in.

Stefan gets on the phone with Caroline and asks if Tyler can get the other hybrids away, so that he can free Elena. Stefan heads to Tyler’s where he learns that Hayley helped Tyler break the sire bond and that she has also been helping her friend Chris to do the same. It turns out that Hayley’s mission is to break the sire bond of all of the other hybrids.

Chris delivers clothes and a toothbrush to Elena and the moment he leaves, Connor appears again.  Elena admits that she liked killing Connor and that she liked the taste of his blood.  Connor says that he had family and asks her if she is sorry about her parents because they died because of her. Connor promises that he will be there until she takes her last miserable breathe because she is a monster and deserves to die. Katherine suddenly appears.

Shane is giving his seminar and April realises that she knows Shane through her father. Damon and Bonnie show up at the seminar.  Shane dismisses the group and approaches Bonnie.

Katherine is now tormenting Elena and asking what Stefan is thinking of the new her.  Katherine says that she is a vampire and that she will kill again and become just like her.  Katherine tells Elena that she at least still has Damon.  When Elena tries to tackle Katherine, she disappears.

Damon is having a drink and Shane and Bonnie enter the room.  Bonnie explains Damon by saying that he is an expert in this area.  Damon hands Shane the drawing that Jeremy did of the hunters tattoo and asks about the hunters curse.  Shane says that a hunter will haunt the person who killed him, until a new hunter reaches his potential and the legacy is passed on. Shane offers to get his research for him and leaves. Bonnie asks how they are supposed to find a potential hunter and so Damon gets on the phone and calls Jeremy.

While Caroline is distracting Klaus, Tyler is meeting with Chris.  Klaus says that he cannot release Elena because she needs his help.  Klaus adds that if Tyler were still sired to him, that he would not have allowed Tyler to hurt Caroline. Klaus offers Caroline a drink.  Tyler and Stefan try to convince Chris to give them access to Elena.  Chris says that Klaus will send one of his other hybrids after him, but Tyler promises that both he and Hayley have his back and will make sure nothing happens. Yep, you know damn well at this point that Chris is going to be lucky to get out of this with his life.

Katherine is continuing to torment Elena.  Katherine decides to point out the fact that everyone around Elena keeps getting hurt.  Chris sends the two hybrids guarding Elena away and then hands Stefan the key and leaves. When Stefan enters, she stabs him and then rushes out of the room.

Jeremy comes rushing in and they tell him that he needs to kill a vampire.  Jeremy asks for a stake but Bonnie tells him that before he does this, he has to figure out what he is getting himself into.  Stefan calls Damon, who tells him that they have figured out their Elena problem. Stefan admits that he lost Elena and asks Damon to go and find her because she will listen to him.

Caroline gets a text explaining what is going on with Elena and she admits that she is there to distract Klaus.  Klaus jumps up to leave and threatens to kill Caroline if she does not stop talking and Caroline quickly says that they have figured out how to stop the hallucinations.

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Editors note: Last week we missed an episode of The Vampire Diaries.  This is why episode four is being published today.  A review and recap of episode five will appear in a few hours to get us back on track. Thanks for your patience.

This episode begins with a flashback to 1110 A.D., with a group of men surrounded by a witch. Of course, the witch is Black because that’s the only role for us on this show.  Interestingly enough, the men all have hair free chests cause manscaping was just such a huge priority back then.

In the present day, Damon brings in a box with items he got from Connor’s RV.  He claims to be searching for a supernatural handbook. Damon is suspicious of Connor because of the timing of his arrival, having a tattoo that only Jeremy can see and the fact that Klaus mentioned that Connor is one of The Five. Stephen asks what The Five are and Damon says he’s hoping that this is what is in the first chapter of the handbook.  Their conversation pauses when Damon gets a cryptic call from Liz Forbes. Stefan is naturally curious but Damon says that the call was private and they are still fighting.  Stefan says that he is still not pleased about Elena feeding from Damon but they are not in a fight.  Damon tells Stefan that they didn’t find any remains in the explosion site at the hospital. Damon says that he needs Stefan to look into this, because he is taking Elena to a college so that she can learn to “snatch, eat and erase.” When Stefan begins to say something, Damon reminds Stefan that they are not fighting.

Elena justifies her decision to go on this trip to Stefan by saying that Damon had to rip her off Matt because she almost killed him. Elena believes that she can only drink from the vein and that it might be part of the doppelganger curse. Can we please just stop driving home the point that Elena is special, we git it.  Stefan asks about Caroline because she is a genius at self control, but Elena quickly nixes this idea because she believes that Caroline will not understand her.  Elena does assure Stefan that she wishes it could be him and then says that she and Damon are crashing Bonnie’s trip to Whitmore college to see the professor who took over her grandmothers classes.  Stefan asks her to be careful and not to get caught up in the blood and the feed.

Rebekah shows up at Matt’s work to give him a new truck, which she has not only paid for but insured.  Matt is not in the least bit receptive and instructs her to give it to Elena because she is the one that Rebekah killed.  From his seat, Klaus tells Rebekah that she is trying to hard.  Rebekah asks him why he is still there and Klaus says that he couldn’t leave because his sister is so desperate for love and affection and is bribing the help. Rebekah just wants to cut to the chase and asks Klaus what he wants.  Klaus says that he has stumbled across something he believes will be of interest to her. This is when Klaus tells Rebekah that the brotherhood of The Five still exists.  Rebekah does not take the bait and declares that she does not care about The Five, or him.

On campus, which is once again largely White people, Damon, Elena and Bonnie arrive.  Elena is upset because she believes that college is not in the plans anymore. Oh poor Elena she get to live forever in an eternally youthful body. Why is life so damn hard? They sit through a lecture by Professor Shane, who says that witches are the archetype of the supernatural and are responsible for everything that goes bump in the night. Elena asks Damon if she might be a ripper but Damon tells her to pick someone and they can find out.  They scope out the class and Damon picks out a girl he believes is self absorbed.

Klaus has Connor trussed up and Stefan shows up to ask what information that Klaus has received so far. Stefan refuses to share information in front of Connor because he cannot be compelled. The two adjourn two a separate room and Stefan says that he should have figured out that Klaus was up to something when he cured Elena from the werewolf poison without asking for anything in return.  Stefan wants to know what is going on and says that he has nothing else to do today except get answers.  Klaus concedes because he believes that Stefan might be useful in getting Rebekah to cooperate.  It turns out that The Five were a group of highly successful vampire hunters that the originals crossed paths with in the 12th century Italy.

We get a flashback to a hunter a revealing a vampire to the sun who quickly dies.  I don’t know about you but it was great to see Elijah again.  Elijah says that they haven’t been discreet in their feeding but Klaus says that what they really need to do is deal with Rebekah because she is clearly involved with one of the hunters.  In present day, Klaus promises to share all of the information he learns, if Stefan will get Rebekah to talk to him because she is being stubborn. When Stefan asks what’s in it for him, Klaus tells him Connor holds the answer to all of his prayers.

Back at the bar, April is having a seat and tells Matt that she is waiting for her friend.  When Rebekah arrives, he is shocked that she has a friend.  Matt says that he is keeping the truck and walks off.  I guess self interest can kick in after all. When April stares at Matt walking away, Rebekah tells her that Matt is off limits because she has dibs. I am so sick and tired of the desperate, lonely Rebekah.  This woman has lived for a thousand years and still has no confidence when it comes to men. The conversation between April and Rebekah is cut short, when Stefan sits down and glamours April into forgetting the conversation he is about to have with Rebekah.  Stefan tells Rebekah that Klaus wants to make peace with her, but once again Rebekah is not receptive and points out that if you try to make peace with Klaus that he will just betray you. Stefan tells her to forget Klaus and to deal with him because though he is unwilling to forgive Rebekah for what she did to his precious Elena, he is willing to give her a clean slate. Rebekah asks why he would do this and Stefan replies, “because you’re obviously not leaving town anytime soon, and I am just looking for a way we can all get along.”  When Rebekah suggests that she doesn’t care what he or anyone else thinks, Stefan promises that he will talk to Matt about giving her a clean slate. At this point, I find both Rebekah and Matt to be the two most useless characters on this show and wish that they would both be dumped unceremoniously into the plot box.

Damon and Elena are stalking a young woman.  Elena approaches her and asks about the reading from one of her classes.  Elena grabs her arm and glamors her saying that it’s not going to hurt and asks her not to scream.  When Elena sees a picture of the co-ed’s little sister, she send her away. Damon reminds Elena that she didn’t know her and that everybody belongs to someone. Elena says that she cares because she is still her. Bonnie approaches them and says that the professor found some stuff belonging to her grandmother and hands over a flyer for a frat party.

Stefan and Rebekah arrive at Klaus’ and Rebekah believes the whole thing is a sham because she cannot see Connor’s tattoos. Klaus says that the tats are now invisible and that this new group is not like the last. The three sit down to dinner and Klaus condescendingly tells Rebekah to eat her vegetables.  Why oh why do we have vampires eating?  It’s ridiculous and makes it seem like there is no downside to being a vampire, if they still engage in all of the mundane actions that humans do.  It makes Elena’s angst even more ridiculous. Rebekah and Klaus immediately start to bicker and I have to say that Rebekah is right about Klaus’ abuse of her person.  Stefan says that there are a million other places that he would rather be and asks about Rebekah’s hunter.

We get another flashback to Alexander (the hunter) sitting down to a meal with the originals. The originals felt safe around him because they were all wearing their daylight rings.  Alexander says that they are only five men and were bound by the dying breathe of a witch to create the destruction of vampires. Did you catch that? Once again a Black witch died so that White people could play hero. When Klaus asks how he plans to achieve this, Alexander says that they have the ultimate weapon, which no vampire can survive.  In present day, Klaus says that in order to find the weapon they need to solve the puzzle which has disappeared - the tattoo. Klaus says that the hunter told him that Jeremy is the only one who could see it and has Jeremy brought into the room.

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Tyler is asleep in hospital bed after being shot and a police officer is standing guard at the door to his room. Suddenly, a noise in the corridor attracts the cops attention and when he leaves to check it out, he is assaulted by Connor Jordan.  Hearing the noise, Tyler awakes and when Connor enters his room, Tyler is nowhere to be seen.  Tyler decides to attack Connor from behind, but Connor manages to inject a paralytic into Tyler.  He lays Tyler on the bed and then draws some kind of liquid from his fangs, before rushing out of Tyler’s room. Connor returns to his RV and is clearly making something from the venom which he withdrew from Tyler.  When he sits at his desk, he looks at two folders and decides to open the one with Jeremy’s name on it.

Stefan is outside the house working on a motorcycle.  Damon sees this as his midlife crises but Stefan says that the transition has been rough on Elena and he wants to take her out to have a little fun.  Damon informs Stefan that Connor stole some of Tyler’s venom last night and now he plans to hunt him and kill him.  When Stefan offers to help, Damon turns him down and the brothers are back to arguing about Elena yet again.  Damon plans to leave town because the agreement was that only the one Elena chose would get to stay, but Stefan says that things are different now because Elena is one of them. He justifies punching Damon in the face by saying that he was being dramatic and Damon did after all blood share with Elena.

Matt and Elena meet at their old make out spot. She again expresses angst for having to feed and Matt asks her to let him do this for her because he owes her his life.  She only feeds briefly and when Matt asks her if she had enough, she responds, “no, but if I had anymore, I’m afraid I wouldn’t stop.” Elena wipes her lips and puts a bandage on Matt and then they head off to school. Matt questions whether she should be there or not, and Elena says that the vampire hunter knows that she knows Damon and so this place is safer and then adds she wants to be there because it is her senior year. Honestly, was I the only one rolling my eyes? How long are they going to keep these kids in high school already? They don’t act like the kids that they are supposed to be and never attend school for anything other than planning dances, or wretched founders events. As they walk through the parking lot, Elena notices a flyer stuck to a car, which calls for a town curfew of ten pm.  Matt reminds her that Tyler was shot in front of half of the town and that everyone is a little freaked.

Carol and Tyler return home and Tyler is not pleased to see two men standing in the foyer when he enters.  He assumes that they are more deputies and Klaus enters.  Klaus says that he was halfway to Chicago, when he heard that Tyler was attacked but duty calls. Tyler sarcastically replies, “Nice to know you care.”  As Klaus walks forward he says, “I don’t. I should have killed you for the stunt you and your little friends pulled, stopping my heart and leaving me in a coffin to rot.” Tyler reminds Klaus that he hijacked his body and kissed his girlfriend and suggests that makes them even, but Klaus is not convinced.  It seems that Klaus is there because hybrids are a dying breed and he cannot make more, and will not allow anyone to take liberties with those that are left.  Klaus points to the other hybrids and instructs Tyler to consider them his bodyguards.

Elena and Stephen are sitting in history class together and he points out that it’s been awhile since they were in a large class together. Uh huh, no shit sherlock and that would be because no one on this show actually attends class.  Rebekah enters handing out fliers, announcing the anti curfew party that she is holding and invites Elena to attend so that they can bury the hatchet.  Elena replies that it’s a pretty big hatchet.  Elena notices the new address and asks, “new house huh, did your brother finally kick you out?” Rebekah replies, “he didn’t kick me out, I left.” They trade barbs until Stephen asks he Rebekah she is still in town. Rebekah says that history is her favourite class and then asks about Alaric, only to bring up the point that she killed him. Elena throws her pencil at Rebekah but Rebekah catches it and throws it at Elena, piercing her shoulder.  Okay, what kind of material are their pencils made of in Mystic Falls?

Elena and Stefan go out into the hall, where he tells her to calm down and that she has never felt this kind of rage before.  Elena says that she didn’t know that she was capable of hate, but she hates Rebekah. Then of course Elena adds that she hates that she hates her. Over Stefan’s shoulder, Elena spies Connor with Jeremy, a few feet away at his locker. Elena panics but Stefan assures her that he has this and walks off after Connor.

Elena goes into the bathroom to wash off the blood, when a girl named Heather walks in. Heather says that Rebekah sent her to see if Elena is okay and when Elena says that she’s fine, Heather says that she isn’t. The camera then flashes to blood dripping slowly down Heather’s neck. Rebekah walks in and dips her fingers in Heather’s blood and asks Elena if she is getting hungry.  Elena tells her to get away from her but Rebekah takes a step forward and tries to smear the blood on Elena. Elena says, “you shouldn’t be here. This is my school, my life and I am not going to let you ruin it.” Rebekah counters, “it’s my school now and my life, maybe you’re the one who shouldn’t be here. I couldn’t help but hear that there’s a vampire killer roaming the hallways, how inconvenient for you.” Rebekah then smears a handful of Heather’s blood over Elena’s face as she rages.  Rebekah then turns and leaves the room with Heather.

Connor and Jeremy are sitting alone in a classroom and though Jeremy is happy to miss biology, he wants to know why he is there.  Connor says that he looked into Jeremy’s family and that he and Elena have been through quite a lot.  Jeremy asks him why he cares and Connor replies because you saw this and he shows him the tattoo on his arm again. Connor says that his tat is a hunters mark, as in vampire hunter. Jeremy stands up with a snort and says vampire hunter. Through the window in the door Jeremy sees Stefan. Connor says that he has researched the Gilbert family history and that Jeremy playing dumb, only makes him look dumb. Jeremy asks, “why the show and tell? I don’t even know you.”  Connor says that the tattoo is invisible, except to hunters and potential hunters.  Connor gives Jeremy his address and instructs him to bring him a vampire, so that he can show him what to do.  Jeremy asks how he is supposed to do that and Connor tells him to start by asking his friend with the bandage on his neck.

In the meantime, Damon has made his way to Connor’s RV.  He enters without a problem but the minute he briefly touches a paper on a desk, two arrows shoot out and get him in his shoulder and his leg.  Did Damon really believe it would be that easy?

Elena is pacing outside of the school in front of Caroline and Stephen.  Caroline tells her that she has made a valiant first day effort and no one will judge her if she decides to leave.  Since when does anyone judge Elena?  Even when she makes the most ridiculous decisions, no one ever judges her. But Elena does not want to go home, she wants to take the white oak stake and murder Rebekah. Stefan suggests that they leave the murdering to Damon. He then points out that Rebekah knows that everyone hates her and that she is trying to hate harder. Stefan suggests that they skip the rest of the day and go and have some fun.  There you have it folks, another exciting school day in Mystic Falls. Elena agrees and says that she has to go home and change, then they can hit Rebekah’s party. After Elena walks away, Caroline asks Stefan if Elena seems a little off balance. Stephen says that Elena is channeling all of her emotions into rage because it makes her feel like she has purpose. Stefan says that he used to do that as well when he was the ripper him.  Caroline says that first saved her vampire life and now Elena’s. Caroline believes that Stefan is good at this and that he should write a book or appear on The View. Yes, I rolled by eyes yet again.

Taylor is lying on the couch tossing a football around when Hayleigh enters the room. They embrace briefly and then Hayleigh shoves Tyler in the chest saying that she thought Klaus killed him. It turns out that Hayleigh is the one who helped Tyler break his sire bond.  Hayleigh is surprised that Tyler is rich and points out that the least he can do is pour her some fancy rich people scotch.

Damon calls Meredith and asks her to cut out the arrows because if he moves, a bomb will go off.  She is surprised and wants to know why he didn’t call his brother. He says he didn’t call because he is proud and stubborn.  As Meredith cuts the arrow, Damon asks how well she knew Pastor Young. Meredith says that he was a patient of hers and was always a nice guy. Damon points to the letter and Meredith asks what Young meant by saying that a greater evil is coming. Damon’s phone rings and it’s Elena but he chooses not to answer.  Meredith calls him a good brother and points out that Damon is strung up to a bomb, while Stephan is playing vampire, with the girl he loves and Damon is pretending that it doesn’t suck.

Rebekah approaches Matt at his locker to invite him to her party. When he doesn’t answer, Rebekah says that she knows he’s still angry that she ran him off the bridge, but Alaric killed her brother and that she had to do something to stop him, because Alaric was trying to kill her as well. Rebekah tells Matt that she never wanted to hurt him, but he just closes his locker and walks away.

As Matt is walking through the hallway, Connor calls out, “what did you say hickies?” Connor then walks up to Matt, grabs his arm and pulls off the bandage to reveal two bite marks.  Connor says kinky girlfriend and then asks who bite him.  When Matt replies that he doesn’t know what he is talking about and doesn’t remember how he got hurt, Connor puts a knife to Matt’s throat and demands to know who the vampire is. As Connor applies more pressure with the knife, Matt gives up Rebekah.  Connor thanks him and says “when you wake up, I should be long gone,” before bashing Matt’s head into a wall.

Elena is going throwing things around in a room that turns out to be Damon’s.  When Damon tells her that he hopes she has plans to clean up the mess, Elena says that she is looking for bourbon to get through Rebekah’s party and that his is better than Stefan’s.  Damon directs her to the top draw but it of course turns out to be his underwear drawer.  Elena turns and asks him if he keeps alcohol in there. This is when Damon decides to let her know that her little ruse is over and that he knows she is looking for the white oak stake.  Damon takes off his shirt (yes, thank you mr.director) and Elena notices the blood on his shoulder.  Damon says that it’s a wound from the hunter and Elena says that Connor was there at her school today.  When Damon replies that he already knows because Jeremy told him, Elena is not impressed and demands that Damon leave Jeremy out of this mess.  Damon asks if she is afraid that Jeremy is going to do something useful for once? Damon starts to undo his pants, as Elena is watching clearly interested and he asks, “are you staying for the show?”  Elena walks out saying that she is going to find the stake.

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In the woods, Elena and Stephan wake up together.  We get a flashback to Stephan and Damon arguing over a blood source for Elena.  It’s Stephen’s plan to get Elena used to animal blood right from the get go.  Stephan feels that if she kills someone, she will turn off her humanity. Damon believes that Elena cannot learn to control the bloodlust until she experiences the blood lust. Damon tells Elena that vampires eat people and that this is part of the natural food pyramid. Honestly, Damon’s approach is the most sensible.   Back in the woods, Stephan is trying to help Elena get acquainted with her vampire senses and as he touches her he tells her that everything is heightened, taste, touch, smell.  It’s not long before clothes start to come off but Elena has to pull back to spit up the blood she ingested.

Conner Jordan enters the pastor’s cabin and starts exploring the scene. In the oven he finds a letter addressed to April.

Damon is drinking at a bar when Liz puts a newspaper in front of him showing a reprot of what happened at the cabin.  Damon says that if he killed people that he wouldn’t have blown them up. Liz says that it happened from within.  Connor Jordan approaches Liz to talk about the fire.

Jeremy and Matt are packing up paper lanterns for the memorial. Matt asks how Elena is doing and says that Elena is a vampire because of him and he would like to pay it forward.  Didn’t we have enough of  poor Elena last week? April, who is Pastor Young’s daughter approaches Jeremy saying that she is not much for grief and then takes off to register for school.

Elena is on the phone when Stephan enters with a bottle of champagne from the year she was born. He believes that they should celebrate her first feed, even though it was disgusting and traumatic. Stephen admits that he choked animal blood down for a month before he could handle the taste.  Elena notes that Stephan is so happy, and he say it’s because she is alive and with him. Their kiss is interrupted with a phone call from Damon.

Elena shows up at the bar and asks Damon if he set off the explosion which blew up the town council. He denies any participation. Elena confides in Damon that she cannot keep any of the animal blood down and Damon points to different people that she can feed from.  Elena says that Stephen is right and that she has to get through this without hurting anyone. Is she ever going to clue in that she is a vampire?  Damon takes her into another room and then cuts open his hand. He tells her not to tell Stephan because blood sharing is personal.

Tyler and Caroline are having sex and she stops him saying that it’s wrong because a bunch of people died.  He points out that if they stopped having sex every time someone died that they would explode. Tyler tells her that he loves her and Caroline says that she loves him too.  The doorbell rings and its Connor. He asks Carol Lockwood about the explosion and she replies that it is an internal matter. Conner says that it was a cover up and he wants to know why Carol was not at the meeting considering that she was the mayor.  Tyler comes downstairs to see what is going on and when he shakes Conner’s hand his hand starts to sizzle. Conner pulls out a gun and shoots Tyler several times in the chest. On the ground Tyler opens his eyes, as Carol screams for him to run.  Hearing the shots, Caroline comes downstairs. Clearly Conner is town to clean up the vampire population, finishing what Pastor Young started.

Tyler is getting the slugs pulled out of him by Stephen, who says that the bullets were specially charged.  Tyler says that  Conner’s gloves had to to be seeped in vervain and he knew what he was doing.  Finally, a new Black character that isn’t a witch or a servant of the White population of Mystic Falls.  It seems that he is being set up as an antagonist though, so he is probably not going to be on the show for very long.

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Elena wakes up with Stephen waiting by her bedside.  He tells her that she was in an accident, and Damon says that Matt is alive. Damon is clearly upset that Stephen didn’t save Elena instead of Matt.  The two of them tell her that she is now a vampire, which upsets Elena, and so Stephen tries to calm her by saying that he talked to Bonnie and there may be something that she can do.  We aren’t even five minutes into the new season and already they have found Bonnie work to do saving Elena. It’s also worth noting that when Bonnie’s mother became a vampire that she didn’t even try to halt the transition. Why is Elena so important when her own mother wasn’t? Damon believes that Elena should just feed, but Stephen counters and reminds Damon that she has all day before she has to feed.  Damon is not convinced and says, “we all know the drill, you feed or you die. There is no door number three.” Elena says that she was ready die and that she was supposed to die because she cannot be a vampire. “If there is something that Bonnie can do, we have to try,” Elena cries. Damon replies, “your choice Elena as always,” and leaves the room. Oh woa is me, let the angst begin.

The brothers start to argue about Elena’s decision and Stephen says that he made a choice that he will regret for the rest of his life.  Upstairs, Elena looks in the mirror and starts to examine herself for any changes.  Jeremy enters and asks Elena if she is okay and he tells her that he watched Vicki go through this and it was a mess.  Jeremy tells Elena that she needs help, but she snaps and says that she  is fine.  Jeremy says that when he was shot, Bonnie made some plea to the witch spirits and Elena points out that the consequences were horrible.  Jeremy believes that nothing could more horrible than Elena turning into a vampire. “I need my sister, not another one of them,” Jeremy says.  Elena assures him that they are going to find a way out of this and that everything is going to be okay.

Bonnie is looking into a coffin at Klaus’ body when he approaches. Bonnie is not impressed and reminds him that the deal they made is that as soon as they found another body, he would jump into it and leave Tyler alone.  Klaus says, “yes, but fate intervened and there I am, put me back.” Bonnie says that she cannot because she has to help Elena, but Klaus being the logical one says that Elena is dead and no longer his concern. He grabs Bonnie by the throat and threatens to rip her tongue out if she does not put him back in his body.  Bonnie counters by reminding him that if she can keep Elena human, he can have an endless blood supply to make his hybrids. Klaus releases Bonnie and says, “same rules apply, no one knows.”  Though Micheal Trevino isn’t as great as Joseph Morgan, I have to say that I am pretty happy that they brought Klaus back.  He really is the most interesting character since they have decided to make Damon soggy.

Pastor Young shows up at the hospital and says that he is there to check out the blood because it has a habit of flying off the shelves. He makes it clear that he is there with council authority and that unlike some of the founding families, he doesn’t have conflicting interests. When Meredith asks what he means by this, Young says “Alaric told us everything and it’s probably time for you to start looking for a new job.”

Matt is feeling guilty because Elena asked for him to be saved instead of her. Caroline points out that “she doesn’t want to be dead and now she is not.” Matt will not be swayed and insists that this is his fault, because he was the one who was driving.  When he insists that Elena is a vampire because of him, Caroline asks him to cool it because she is a fugitive and is supposed to be half way to Florida by now. Matt asks, “if the council is after you, then why are you here?” Caroline replies, “because I don’t know where to go. Tyler’s dead and everything is different now.” She starts to cry and Matt hugs her. One of Young’s man enters the room and they pull apart.

Young is keeping himself busy and he heads off to the Lockwood estate, arrests Tyler’s mom and informs Carol that she is no longer the mayor. Next, he catches up with Liz and he tells her that she is not going to work today because she is not fit to protect them.  Liz tells Young that he has no idea what he is up against. Young says that he has taken all of her deputies and has the towns entire stash of vervain, including the stuff in the Salvatore house, because they are making their move.

Caroline is walking through the house grabbing things, when she gets a phone call from Liz asking if she is far away.  As Caroline walks out the door, she is attacked and someone shoves a needle in her throat, as Liz asks what’s going on.

Elena is trying to eat a sandwich and has to spit it out. Elena admits to Stephan that she can’t stop thinking about blood and Stephan says that he should have saved her first.  Elena points out that if he had saved her, then Matt would be dead.  Again, Elena tells him that he did the right thing and that he respected her choice.  Stephan asks what he’s supposed to do if Bonnie can’t figure out a way to help her, because the choice then is either to let herself die, or become a vampire.  Elena replies that they will cross that bridge when they get to it. Elena starts to laugh asking if he said cross that bridge. Stephen tells Elena that her emotions are a heightened today and hugs her, as she switches from laughing to crying. Stephen promises to be there for her no matter what happens and suggests that Elena go back upstairs where it’s dark while he cleans up.

When she gets upstairs, Elena thinks that she sees Damon waiting for her, but it’s actually a flashback to him returning her locket. When she looks around she realizes that she is alone. In the flashback, Damon tells her that he loves her and that it is because he loves her that he cannot be selfish with her.  Damon says that he does not deserve her but Stephen does. Elena now remembers all of this and  then puts her hand where her locket used to be.

Rebekah is looking at Klaus’ drawings and becomes upset and sweeps the table in front of her clean.. Damon walks into the room and the two start to bicker immediately.  He raises a stake and tries to kill her. The two struggle, with Rebekah quickly getting the other hand, until she is shot twice and falls to the ground.

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