Fangs For The Fantasy

I am going to say upfront that I have my doubts about this show carrying on.  At the end of last season, Alisha was killed and Simon went back in time to make her fall in love with him.  Kelly, who was not written out of the episode at the time, will not be appearing in season four, due to legal difficulties.  This means that we are left with Curtis, Seth and Rudy.  They have added two new Misfits: Jess and Finn. It’s going to take awhile to get to know them and care about their characters.  With so many characters missing all at once, it’s almost like having a whole new show, though the concept is the same.

This episode opens with Finn running across the roof being chased by the Misfits.  They all threaten him with various weapons but Finn holds out a box cutter and threatens them right back.  then across the screen flashes the words, “5 hours and 41 minutes earlier…”

Finn and Jess are sitting on a bench chatting. They are dressed in the familiar orange jumpsuits.  In an office, Rudy is jerking off watching porn when Finn and Jess enter.  Rudy asks them who they are and Finn says that they are there for their community service. Rudy quickly turns off the computer and says that he is their probation worker and blames the porn on a spam email. Of course, Rudy pretends to be disgusted by the porn and says that it’s somebody’s daughter.

Seth has Michael tied to a chair and points out that he has already lost a hand.  Seth tells Michael that there are only so many limbs that a man can loose.  Seth wants Michael to hand over the briefcase and give him the combination. Michael simply says, “fuck you.”  Seth gets a call from Rudy to say that they have a problem, as Jess and Finn walk out of the office.

Jess and Finn are cleaning up garbage outside and Seth finds it suspicious that they have shown up a day after they get the briefcase. Rudy tells him not to worry because Jess and Finn are under the impression that he is their probation worker and he is impressed that he is quite the actor. Seth leaves to try to get more information and Rudy tells Seth to let him know if he needs him to squeeze out more information.

Jess goes inside the community center to get  drink when she hears a loud bang.  She goes into the room with the lockers and watches as Rudy uses a fire extinguisher to open all of the lockers.  Jess asks him what he is doing and Rudy says that he is looking for a sandwich to put in one the lockers for safe keeping. He says that he bloody hates it when he loses a sandwich. Jess says that a mouse may have eaten it because it’s a cheese sandwich. Rudy says that she will have to excuse him because he has important probation worker business to attend to.

Jess follows Rudy and he goes inside a room.  With her x-ray vision, she watches as Ruddy yells into a freezer telling whoever is in there to shut up. Jess then goes to Finn to tell him that the probation worker has someone locked in a freezer. Finn wants to know why anyone would hold someone captive in a freezer and says that there must be a perfectly reasonable explanation for this. Jess tells him to give her a perfectly reasonable explanation and Finn asks, “do we need to get involved? How about we pretend you didn’t see it? That feels good to me.” Rudy appears in the hallway and Finn is shocked to see him.  When Rudy walks away, Jess says again that they need to get the guy out of the freezer.

Rudy cuts a chainsaw out of a box but he cannot start it up.  As he starts to read the directions, the fire alarm goes off and Jess and Finn see the chainsaw on the desk.  Rudy walks into the room where Seth is torturing Michael.  Seth asks Rudy what is going on and Rudy replies, “either there is a fire or someone is attempting to fuck with us.”  Rudy closes the door and Seth goes back to his torture.  Jess and Finn break into the room with the freezer and it’s Curtis lying inside.  Curtis is not moving and Finn suggests leaving him there.  When Jess touches Curtis, he jumps out grabs her, asks her who she is and where the briefcase is. Jess fights back and says that she doesn’t know anything about any case. Curtis goes rushing out and Rudy appears in the doorway and says that they shouldn’t have let Curtis out because he is a “giant shit.”

Rudy hands Jess and Finn two glasses of orange juice and says that he is going to level with them. Rudy admits that he is not the probation work and Jess sarcastically replies, “really, no shit. You should think about becoming an actor.” Rudy admits that he is also on community service and says that it all started yesterday and they were all gathered around the vending machine.

We get a flashback to Seth, who says that he and Kelly were in Uganda and some kid stepped on a landmine. If the kid had moved, he would have been dead and so Kelly marched over and diffused the mine. Curtis is impressed and Seth says that the villagers love her out there and that he has returned to get her stuff because Kelly is leaving community service to stay in Africa to diffuse land mines.  This has got to be the weakest excuse for the elimination of a character that I have ever seen.  It’s not helped by the fact that they have set Kelly up to play White savior to the poor Africans.  Really Misfits? Michael walks in carrying a briefcase and says that it’s his money.  When Seth, Rudy and Curtis touch him, they seem to become infected, because some sort of green mist travels up their arms.  Rudy, Curtis and Seth immediately start talking about the money and how to get into the briefcase. Curtis says that if they open the briefcase without the combination that a dye pack will explode and ruin the money.  They all pounce on Michael looking for a key for the handcuffs but cannot find one.  Rudy suggests that Curtis and Seth go home and that he will stay there and take care of their injured friend.  Curtis says that they are going to stay and give him a hand and Seth says that he was trained by St. John’s ambulance.  They drag Michael into the office and lock him in there.  They lie down to get some sleep and of course Rudy is jerking off. He says, “it’s just a quick cheeky one to get some sleep. I have to feed the monster.”  He continues to jerk off.

We are brought back to the present and Jess tells Rudy that he is going to go blind and then suggests   just get back to to telling the story.  Seth, Curtis and Rudy are in a room with Michael on the floor and Michael is missing his hand.  They are arguing about the case and no one is concerned that Michael could be bleeding out.  Curtis says, “I know what I did and didn’t do and I know that I didn’t take the case.” Curtis grabs Rudy and asks him where the case is.  Rudy says, “if I took the case, why am I still here?” Curtis tells him that he is still there because he needs the combination to the case and Michael is the only one who has it. Seth says that whoever did take the case is probably close by waiting for Michael to regain consciousness. Curtis suggests that they search the community center and they go room to room but don’t find anything.  Talking to Rudy, Curtis says that he thinks it’s Seth because he is sneaky and underhanded. Curtis says that Seth makes cruel jokes about Rudy behind his back. “His cock’s like a little fucking slug”?  Rudy asks if Seth has seen his cock.  Curtis suggests drugging Seth’s drink and locking him in a freezer.

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