The Weavers enter their house bickering when they hear a scream. It seems that Max has convinced Dick Butkus that he will be the target of bullies and so he is holding his head in the toilet to see how long he can hold his breathe. Debbie and Marty are absolutely appalled but say that it’s an educated guess. Debbie tells them that at school the toughest kid picks on the weakest kid, and Larry Bird responds, “and you wonder why the chinese are dominating you.” Debbie promises that Max will look out for Dick Butkus. The Zabvronians are overwhelmed and point out that on their planet they educate their children by feeding them the brains of their elders because it allows them to focus on nurturing them. Debbie and Matt respond that if they listen to them, everything will be fine. Larry Bird is not impressed and says, “listen to them, pardon me for being skeptical, look at how they use this room with all of their towels and soaps and excrement bowls.” This disgusts poor Dick Butkus because he realises that he has just had his head in the toilet for the last 40 minutes. This confuses Marty because he cannot imagine what the Zabvronians do with their bathrooms. It turns out that the Zabvronians grow gardens and Larry Bird believes that this makes humans the “crazy ones.”
The next morning, Debbie is preparing lunch for all of the kids, including Reggie Jackson and Dick Butkus because she doesn’t want them “outing themselves at school.” Marty asks if Debbie is sure she wants to get involved because he believes that you shouldn’t tell other parents how to raise their kids. Debbie agrees with this sentiment but says that there is just something about their neighbors - “they’re a blank slate.” She adds, “to teach them how to live makes me feel like Oprah.”
Next door, Jackie Joyner-Kersee is busy ripping the garden out of the bathroom and she tells Larry Bird that they are living like humans now. Larry Bird is not impressed because he feels like the Weavers are rubbing it in their face that they know more about being human. They then try to decide if what he said was sarcasm or irony. When they answer the doorbell, the Weavers are there with lunches. Dick Butkus has his shirt outside of his pants and Reggie Jackson’s pants are sagging. Larry Bird immediately demands that Reggie Jackson pull his pants up and that Dick Butkus tuck his shirt in. Marty quickly intervenes and says that the sloppier the kid the cooler they are. The Weavers then assure Dick that that if the kids are mean to ignore them and that they will find a new target soon. When Jackie Joyner-Kersee wonders if they should alert the commander of the school, Debbie says that doing so will only put a larger target on Dick’s tiny frail back. Larry Bird says, “we are truly grateful for all of your great advice Weavers, it means a lot to us.” He then whispers to Jackie Joyner-Kersee, “now that was sarcasm.” Jackie Joyner-Kersee says to Debbie, “Oh there’s so many rules. Is there anything more complicated than raising two school aged boys?” This is when we hear a harsh shrill call from Amber, “Mom, I need you now!”
Debbie walks up the stairs of her home, clearly trying to get her wits about her to deal with Amber. Debbie opens the door and asks, “honey how are you doing?” Amber reveals that she has a zit on her chin. Debbie tries to console Amber and suggests that it’s not so bad but Amber believes that the zit is volcanic. Debbie accuses her of being a bit dramatic and Amber screams, “Huh dramatic. You wanna see dramatic? Look at my face. Look at my zit. This is dramatic. Thank you for all of the french fries mom. Learn to cook.” Debbie leaves her house and meets Marty who is waiting out front with Zabvronians, who are holding signs encouraging Reggie Jackson and Dick to learn at school.
When Jackie Joyner-Kersee, Larry Bird, Reggie Jackson and Dick Butkus leave their home, the Zabvronians strike up a marching band. The music quickly stops when Amber leaves her house with one of the Zabvronians saying, “oh my God, what’s on her face?” Amber walks towards the Zabvronians and asks them if they want a closer look and they quickly say no. Amber turns to Reggie and tells him that it’s time to go and get the bus. Larry Bird informs Reggie Jackson that they will walk him to school and once there, give him an emotional parental send off. Debbie of course quickly intervenes and sends Reggie on his way saying, “I don’t mean to over step, but I am going to drop a little wisdom.” Marty reminds Debbie that she is not Oprah but she persists, “well they’re teenagers, so being seen around your parents is humiliating.” Larry Bird is not impressed and says that on their planet, parents and children are proud to show affection. Marty says that he has to get to work and Larry Bird responds, “how will we survive without you?” This excites Jackie Joyner-Kersee because Larry Bird has been sarcastic.
At school, Reggie Jackson is concerned that he looks foolish in his jeans because he has to keep pulling them up. When they walk into a hallway full of kids, Amber does a quick analysis and quickly breaks down who the most popular dude is. A girl bumps into Amber and says,”nice zit freak show.” Reggie Jackson sees this as a good thing and says that she has a cool new nickname.
When Dick Butkus gets out of the car he says, “greetings new friends, I look forward to quenching our thirst for knowledge together.” The kids turn and stare for a moment and then walk away. Debbie introduces the kids to the teacher and pauses when she get to Dick Butkus briefly. She then encourages Larry to get out of the car to say goodbye but Larry is still petulant and believes that without the influence of the Weavers that he would still be in his bathroom, with his plants and his children. The Zabvronians want to perform their good bye ceremony, which will involve gathering random school children and Dick professing his love for his mother in traditional song form. Max starts to scream mother and Debbie tries to cut them off, as Dick starts singing about how much he loves Jackie Joyner-Kersee and that he wishes he could over throw his father. Larry Bird proudly professes that one day he shall. Debbie again pushes for the teacher to get the kids moving, as Jackie Joyner-Kersee asks to profess her love of Dick Butkus. The teacher gets the kids moving and Debbie says, “now buck up because this is what’s about to go down. Your little boy is going to walk into school and instantly become the newest, most unique boy there. Because of that he’s going to get targeted as the weakest. When it all goes bad and he comes home in tears, you’re going to have to pick up the pieces.” Inside the school, as the kids gather around Dick Butkus and Max, Dick turns and punches Max in the stomach saying, “look, I’m not the weakest one here and I am expressing my dominance.” One of the kids replies, “hey look, the new kid just got beat up by the red headed girl.”
