Fangs For The Fantasy

The Possibility of Achieving Inclusive Conventions

There has been talk on the internet about the issue of fandom conventions being overwhelmingly White (and, frankly, depending on the convention and fandom - overwhelmingly straight and male as well) and how to change that to be more inclusive. That’s an excellent discussion to have and we’re really glad it’s happening.

And there are a lot of good ideas being presented - on harassment policies, codes of conduct, on creating safe spaces and islands, on ensuring panels are diverse (beyond the odd single name) and the marketing is directed more broadly. There have been some awful ideas as well - like encouraging people to bring their POC friend to a convention which reeks of tokenism - increasing the diversity of the convention by dragging POC in rather than making the convention something POC would want to attend.

While these are great ideas, we can’t help but feel that these are addressing only part of the problem.

I envisage going to a convention as a kind of hurdles, with 3 jumps that need to be got over along the way. The last jump is making sure that the convention is welcoming and safe and not succumbing to tokenism. And that jump definitely needs to be made lower and easier - but it’s not going to solve the problem if people are already backed up behind the other 2 jumps.

Jump #1: Inclusion in the Source Material

Speculative Fiction in general - urban fantasy, sci-fi, fantasy, dystopian, supernatural horror, steampunk et al - as genres have a problem with inclusion. From white-washed covers to erased story after erased stories sprinkled with the odd token or stereotype.

Naturally this is a problem with most media out there, but it seems often that speculative fiction is especially stubborn when it comes to adopting decent inclusion and is less likely to face comment or criticism for being heavily erased.

Alternatively, aliens, vampires et al are expected to be the stand in for marginalised people as the eternal Other, allowing privileged viewers to engage some marginalised issues without the discomfort of having to deal with real marginalised people and the real life issues and applications that come with it.

Needless to say, that is off putting. While plenty of marginalised people consume - and enjoy, media that erases them or contains tokens there are equally a number who are put off by it and angered by it. Especially when confronted with offensive or stereotypical tokens. Often it’s easier to find supernatural creatures that have been lifted from POC cultures (like the endless Wendigo popping up everywhere) than it is to find actual POC. This erasure is a barrier not just for POC - or any minority - participating in conventions but in the genre itself as the message told, in so many cases, is “these are not stories about you.”

The lack of inclusion also sends a message about who these books are aimed at, who these books are supposed to appeal to and who is going to be part of the fan community. If we have a genre that is overwhelmingly dominated by White characters (backed by a few token POC side kicks and the very odd author who actually aims for decent inclusion) then readers have every expectation of the subsequent fandom of being an overwhelmingly White place. The erased nature of the genre creates an idea that POC are the Other, even invaders, and that the fandom is not their space.

The first hurdle to jump will always be the erasure of the source material. As long as the anchor of fandom - and conventions - is massively, overwhelmingly White, there will be a continued signal that this is not a POC space.

Jump #2: Fandom Attitudes.

Having vaulted the first jump on the way to the convention, the second jump has to be investment in fandom. Conventions are, after all, an extension of fandom and fan community. They develop out of a wish to see the creators, to spend time with fellow fans, to connect with people who love this genre as much as you do. All the shinies, the panels, the signings et al that come with conventions are based on a solid base of fandom, of mutual love of a work or body of work, of wanting to spend time with people who appreciate it like you do

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1 ♥ 6.7.13

Star Trek Into the Darkness and Khan

For months before the release of Star Trek into Darkness, there was a lot of speculation regarding whether or not Benedict Cumberbatch would be playing the role of Khan Noonien Singh. Because Star Trek into Darkness has a different name than Wrath of Khan - the second movie in the Star Trek series, it was conceivable that the character Khan would be overlooked altogether. Now that the movie has been released, there has been a resounding backlash because it has become common knowledge that Cummerbatch is indeed playing Khan.

The character Khan Noonien Singh first appeared in the original series, in the episode Space Seed and then became the antagonist in the second movie Wrath of Khan. In both instances, the character was played by the Mexican actor Ricardo Montalbán. As fans of the series know, in each instance that Khan Noonien Singh appeared, he was defeated by Captain Kirk. This is par for the course because Kirk being the captain of the USS Enterprise, inevitably makes the right decisions and always gets his crew out of any difficulties they encounter; prime directive be damned.

Having not seen Star Trek into Darkness yet, I cannot say whether or not this is a direct reboot of Wrath of Khan; however I have been following the anger online over the fact that Benedict Cumberbatch has been cast as Khan Noonien Singh. Because Khan was played by Ricardo Montalbán, many see his replacement by Benedict Cumberbatch as a direct slap in the face to people of colour, by a series which has historically prided itself on being racially progressive. When the original series first aired on September 8, 1966, there was absolutely nothing like it on television. Star Trek had an interracial cast including: a Black woman, a Japanese man and a Russian on the bridge, playing critical roles on the ship. It went on to feature one of the first inter-racial kisses on television. It is however worth noting that the kiss was forced by an alien creature and not something Kirk or Uhura wanted. Kirk slept with green women, but had to be forced into kissing a Black woman, think about that for a moment.

So how did this progressive series decide that it was appropriate to simply erase a character of colour and replace him with a White man? Well, let’s start with the fact that the character Khan was originally conceived of as being of Nordic descent. The writers and Roddenberry had no idea at first that they would be able to get an actor of Montalbán’s skill. When they did manage to cast Montalbán, the character became a sikh from Northern India. Clearly, even casting Montalbán in this role was highly problematic because he was neither sikh or Indian. It was the classic case of one brown person filling in for another, which is commonplace in the media even today. As long as the actor is Brown, they are cast as: Latino, Native American and Indian, regardless of what their true ancestry is. It’s clear that from looking at the images of Montalbán when he originally played Khan in the original series that his skin was darkened, using makeup to make him appear as the northern Indian character he was playing.

0 ♥ 5.31.13

Revolution Season 1, Episode 19: Children of Men

Big standoff with Rachel staring at Monroe, holding a grenade without the pin. Monroe’s guard points a gun at her, because that’ll help.

She releases it.

The guard jumps on Monroe hauling him to the floor to cover him. Another leaps on Rachel, wrestling with her. She doesn’t hold onto it very well and the guard manages to take it from her and throw it outside the tent where it explodes. Monroe is unharmed. Rachel is unharmed. But Aaron sees the explosion through a pair of binoculars.

Y’know rather than dramatically stand there with a grenade in your hand, Rachel, you could have stood outside his tent, pulled the pin and rolled the grenade inside, there’d be a good chance they wouldn’t have even noticed it.

The dream team lands their helicopter, Charlie randomly thanking Jason; Jason and Neville have a bonding moment over “women” (or Neville tries to anyway) and Miles checks on Nora (apparently ready). To the camp

Aaron continues to watch the camp and sees Rachel and Monroe are still alive, probably concluding that Rachel is officially the most inept suicide bomber ever. Rachel is being lead to the entrance to the tower where they use her hand print to open the door.

Yes, Rachel not only failed to kill Monroe, but handed him the key he was looking for. I hereby grant her the Catelyn Stark Award for Sabotaging One’s Own Side.

Into the Tower, which is most certainly working and powered up and full of shiny toys. Rachel chews out Randall for bringing Monroe but he claims it’s for self-preservation – which doesn’t explain why the man went to Monroe in the first place anyway. Someone else looking for a Catelyn Stark Award. Anyway, it seems Rachel doesn’t have security clearance so shouldn’t have been able to get the door open – so Randall assumes Grace has been fiddling with things

And the door shuts behind them – apparently prompted by a new man watching through the monitors. He tells the room full of people with him that it’s time to go say “hello”. Why do I think a more appropriate greeting would be “let the games begin!” Certainly since “hello” involves the big big guns.

Outside, the dream team watches the tower, Neville pokes Miles for having a crush on Rachel and they find Aaron whose stealth skills don’t expand to “don’t use lights to read during the night.”

Rendall shows Monroe some of the shinies in the Tower, including the satellites which are still operational and showing scenes from cities around the world – including the ruins of London and Paris. It apparently also comes with the tech to spy on and kill anyone in the world – so long as you reach level 12 in the tower. Rachel protests which helps confirm what Randall’s saying is true. She’s really working that Catelyn Award.

Except the tower has other ideas and the lift stop at floor 11. Then the explosions and the gunfire start, slaughtering Mornoe’s guards pretty easily especially the big impressive guns. Monroe ducks to cover and Rachel ducks into a side door. Monroe managing to force his way in behind her. She tries to stab him with a pair of scissors but he takes them off her.

Back outside and everyone plays catch up including Miles blaming Aaron for letting Rachel play inept suicide bomber – though Aaron points out that Miles isn’t exactly good at stopping Rachel doing whatever the hell she wants either. Neville cuts through Miles’s whining about Rachel to demand if Aaron can get them in – with the book her can (Neville calls Aaron “chubs” so Aaron responds by calling him a dick. Such happy togetherness).

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0 ♥ 5.29.13

Lightning Rider by Jen Greyson

Evy Rivera just came out of a very bad relationship which has left her apartment and her bank account empty. Though Evy feels very upset about this, she doesn’t realize that her life is about to get a lot more complicated. When her father discovers a box containing a book which once belonged to his father, Evy has no inkling that her curiosity about her family history is going to force her to embrace her birthright as the only female lightening rider to ever live.

As you might well imagine traveling back through time and changing what happened is not an easy thing to do. This is why each rider is given a guide but how does Evy know that just trust them. They know more about what Evy is than she does and they are not always willing to answer questions. Evy knows that Ilif Rotiart’s feelings about women means that he is not interested in her.

I was surprised to see that Lightning Rider was placed under the category of paranormal romance. Don’t get me wrong, there is a romance in the book but the story itself is not dependent upon the romance to exist. We did however get the whole star crossed lovers deal because Evy’s love interest Constantine is an ancient roman.

One of the things I liked about this story is that Evy the protagonist is a Latina and unlike many novels in this genre, she is not Latina in name only. Greyson includes some dialogue in Spanish and we get a strong sense of culture for her. While Evy comes from a family of Lightning Riders, Evy’s culture is not to blame for her magic, which again is rare. We do once again get the chosen one meme as Evy’s birth and skill is foretold in legend but rarely do we see in this genre this trope applied to a WOC.

There are only about six characters of note in this novel and half of them are women. Each woman is very different but strong in their own way. Evy is literally a walking weapon with her ability to harness and use lightning, but Greyson has her face misogyny. We are told that as a bike mechanic Evy is used to dealing with sexism but seeing her have to negotiate with Ilif further explains her low tolerance. What at first seems like a resistance to authority, is actually a reaction to having to continually negotiate sexism and prove her worth. Penya Sepadas at first comes across as the wise person of colour because she attempts to guide Evy through her travels. It’s not helped by the fact that though Penya is actively trying to thwart Ilif, she is clearly not as strong as him. Penya is a no nonsense woman and she is clearly Ilif’s contemporary. She may not be as strong as Ilif but continually finds a way to work around the road blocks he places in her way, thus making her extremely capable and crafty.

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0 ♥ 5.29.13

Warehouse 13: Season 4, Episode 14: The Sky’s the Limit

Artie is watering Leena’s plants and begging them not to die. His mournful rant at the plant is overheard by Jinks and Claudia before he rapidly brings up a ping – 2 jockeys falling into comas after winning races outside of London. They won the racers despite being longshots, were in perfect health and their bodies were completely drained of adrenaline. Sounds suspicious – but no-one bet on these horses. Claudia can’t believe he’s not coming to England with them – but he has to talk to Mrs. Frederick about the Regents - which causes Jinks to have a guilty start, which makes Claudia very very suspicious. Especially since Jinks is a terrible liar.

And Artie wants them to bring back a tin of digestives. And rightly so.

There’s also a suspicious woman watching the warehouse from a distance. She says “I know where he is, and I know how to get to him.”

Pete and Myka are re-shelving inventory – which means Pete playing with Artefacts until Artie shows up with a job for them in Vegas. Where a man apparently fell out of the sky on a golf course.

To Vegas! Where Myka learns the dead man was already dead before he hit ground (well, golf cart) – apparently from altitude exposure. Pete has his ID – Luke Rose from New Mexico – and his hotel room which is the next port of call.

Inside they find three passed out men and evidence of considerable partying, half empty booze, a piñata. One airhorn blast later and they’re ready for stunned and confused interviews. Unfortunately after the tequila fountain everything’s kind of predictably fuzzy. Emptying their pockets they find fliers, matchboxes etc of the places they visited.

The restaurant, hotel and bar all remember the party as loud, obnoxious and terrible tippers. The strip club remembers them as good tippers – and the man talked about “floating” to the stripper. Pete suggests a long term investigation of the strip club, Myka gives him a look and they change it to a 20 minute mutual search.

Meanwhile outside it starts raining casino chips – until another body falls from the sky. I’m sure from that distance there’d be more… splashing.

In comes Myka and Pete – victim was a 48 year old female compulsive gambler called Nadine, who just won big with no connection to the strip club. Again, she was dead before landing and the frostbite suggests she was REALLY high up. They notice the chips are from the Maximus hotel and casino which is important or they wouldn’t have mentioned it. Still a disappointing lack of splashing or even splatter on the ground.

Going to the casino they speak to the manager and learn because she was a high roller, he kept Nadine in the hotel for 5 days (rather than the 2 she planned) with lots of freebies. Including free tickets to see Val Preston, a magician. And lo, in his act he makes a woman levitate.

To make the investigation more complicated, when he comes off the stage he’s clearly not the most friendly man in the world; and Myka finds the harness that he sued to pull off the levitation trick, pointing to a non-Artefact method. Pete and Myka show off their secret service badges to talk to him when he snarks at them for searching his stuff. He shows them the door and tells them to “shove that badge where your search warrant ought to be.” Nice. I’m loving these challenges to the idea a badge makes your supreme god of the universe.

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0 ♥ 5.23.13

The International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia Linkcollection

The International Day Against Homophobia and Transphobia, a day dedicated to combating these toxic forces of bigotry around the world.

This is something we’re extremely dedicated to and we believe that one of the prime methods of challenging homophobia and transphobia - or any prejudice - has to be through the media. No matter how many laws we pass, if our media continues to spread messages of hate and stereotyping, we will never be integrated into society. Media shapes our culture, media shapes our prejudices, media perpetuates the bigotries of our societies. We cannot talk about acceptance and respect if the books we read and the television we watch continues to push the same contempt, erasure and stereotyping. We cannot talk about GBLT people as valued, equal members of society if we continually decide their stories are not worth telling, if we continue to put their characters in the same limited roles and if we continue to spread hatred and derision through the media we consume every day.

Recognising the impact media has on our opinions of marginalised people and how they are portrayed in the media means we are forced to criticise how GBLT people are represented - in those few instances when they are. This is something we have done frequently on Fangs and will continue to do so in the future.

GBLT Characters on our shows: What do you expect us to Watch?

GBLT Hollow Characters: Lesbian Shark, Gay Uncle, Gay Maris

Romance Writers, Ink: Showing their Homophobic Arses

GBLT characters on Supernatural

GBLT Characters in the Parasol Protectorate

Teen Wolf: Bromance is easier than Inclusion

GBLT Characters in the Anita Blake Series

GBLT representations in Lost Girl and True Blood

Lost Girl: not as Gay Friendly as it Seems.

Lafayette and Jesus continue to depress me

Chelsea Lately, Nelson Ellis and a Whole Lot of Problems

The Walking Dead and GBLT Erasure - Two Awful Choices

Cassandra Clare proves that all Inclusion isn’t Good

GBLT people and themes in the Black Dagger Brotherhood

The International Day Againt Homophobia and Transphobia isn’t a Marketing Tool

Other very relevant posts:

Death of Marginalised Characters

Marginalised Characters Do Not Define The Story

Steampunk and the Nostalgic Blinkers of Victorian London

What Will You Do In A Dystopian?

Portraying Bigotry

Invisible Inclusion: Google the Minorities

Reverse Oppression, a Fad that Needs to End

Magically Diverse, Humanly Erased

Appropriation in Urban Fantasy Should Not be a Plot Point

Paranormal Steampunk and Dystopian Erasure - the Unpleasant Implications

9 ♥ 5.23.13

Straightwashing GBLT Characters

Well, there are certain genres of media that automatically assume that GBLT people couldn’t possibly have existed, especially if it’s set in the future (especially in dystopians. I tell you guys, us GBLT folks are super freaking tasty – the zombies and aliens go right for us!) and especially if it’s set in the past. Because we all arrived in 1960, don’tchaknow.

This erasure annoys me, it truly does. But do you know what annoys me even more?

When they remove already existing gay characters to sanitise a work for television. To have those few tiny crumbs we’ve actually managed to achieve removed lest it hurt the delicate fee-fees of the poor straight world.

So when Tanya Huff’s Blood Ties series of books became a TV show, bisexual Henry became straight and gay man Tony was replaced by a straight woman. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t a big fan for the portrayal in the books – but that doesn’t excuse cutting them out entirely.

Or did you know that in the Walking Dead comics, there were actually gay characters in the prison? Again, I actually hated how they were portrayed because they were a mess of homophobic tropes – but they were there. TV show? 3 seasons now and not one damn GBLT character.

Even Troy crosses the line with a very straight retelling of the Illiad.

Now we’re getting Da Vinci’s Demons, that would be Leonardo Da Vinci, he was repeatedly accused of sodomy, never married, was never connected to a female lover, but repeatedly with men, drew erotic pictures of them and left his most valuable painting in his will to one of his live-in “apprentices” Da Vinci. It’s an act of wilful ignorance to not realise Da Vinci played for our team. In fact, if you don’t want to include us icky gay people then you probably need to stay away from Renaissance painters – especially Florentine Renaissance painters! But Da Vinci’s Demons?

Well, the first scene we see him in, pretty much, involves him with a bare breasted woman who he “rescued” from a nunnery and it’s repeatedly made clear that he is having regular sex with. His main love interest - his overwhelming obsession - is Lucrezia Donati. A substantial amount of his time is spent obsessing over her - and her over him; and we get several explicit sex scenes between them. So do we have any indication that Leonardo Da Vinci, actual gay man, was actually even slightly interested in men? Well, in the Tower he is accused of sodomy (Florence is apparently full of “sodomites” - shame we never saw any of them, ever) and on trial. It’s almost comic if it weren’t so insulting - firstly when he makes an ambiguous speech that amounts to “mind your own business” Vanessa speaks up quickly to remind us that he’s totally slept with her.

Later he finally confronts his accuser, they share a chaste goodbye kiss (and it’s ADAMANT that this is goodbye) and Leonardo calls it “curiosity” and “experimentation.” They then quickly plunge him naked into a bath with Lucrezia so he can finger her under the water - subtle, right? They could have just flashed “No Homo” up on the screen. But hey, we did have a murderous gay or paedophile pope (Jury’s still out) and a self indulgent bisexual Duke of Milan (now dead). That’s some epic level straightwashing

Of course it’s not unique among straight washing of historical settings. Ancient Greece? Straightest of straightopias that ever declared the overwhelming joy of vaginas and penises being united! Really. Or so 300 tells me and Troy. Or Sherrilyn Kenyon’s Dark Hunters from Ancient Greece and Ancient Rome. Not only are all of them straighter than a damn laser beam, they’re freaked out by gay men or just homophobic. and so many more – I’ve actually read over 5 series using the Ancient Greek gods that are entirely straight. One actually has a homophobic Apollo. Apollo, homophobic. Or an all straight group of amazons. It makes me want to beat someone round the head and shoulders with a mythology text.

It’s not like these examples are one offs, straightening history has been a major habit of the media’s for a very long time. In fact, straightening us in general seems to be a massive requirement and reason #866 why I don’t watch these dancing reality shows is I’m sick of seeing gay celebrities shoved automatically into opposite sex pairs for dancing.

For that matter, straightening history has been a major part of society and academia for a long time. References to GBLT people throughout history have long been buried by academia and that’s on top of the forces of homophobia and transphobia that forced our predecessors to hide and closet themselves when they were alive.

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10 ♥ 5.23.13

Revolution and Race

When Revolution began, I can’t say we had a particularly high hopes in terms of racial inclusion. We hoped to be surprised, but we’ve watched and read a few dystopians now and they don’t have a great record when it comes to the representation of POC. Almost inevitably, these stories revolve around the great and glorious straight, cisgender, able bodied White man and how he is going to save us all. POC are usually in very secondary roles and they die in vastly disproportionate numbers.

Revolution alas, didn’t change things, even with Charlie being the main character, we quickly lined up behind Miles Matheson, the great white hope to save us all. And the POC?

Well, firstly we had that classic dystopian problem - death. So much death. Of course, it’s a war, it’s a post-apocalyptic world, people are going to die. People are going to die in large numbers and from all demographics, people are going to have to be sacrificed and they certainly are on Revolution - in hefty numbers. But Black people, already making up a relatively small number of the cast, don’t live long or develop well before they die. The rebels had Nicholas, a preacher and a war leader, a complicated character I hoped would be developed well until… death. Then there was Alec, Miles’s former protegé (he seems to have a couple of random Black protegés) who was sold to Texas for punishment for a botched assassination. He serves Monroe faithfully despite how he was treated - he’s willing to sacrifice his life to plant a nuclear bomb in Atlanta - and, of course, is shot before he can.

Then there’s the bit parts who barely warrant a name but are there fore emotional impact - Rosie dying to emphasise the losses the rebels took, and Beth, who has to be sacrificed so we can see what the nanites do to stop her cancer.

0 ♥ 5.13.13

Da Vinci’s Demons Season 1, Episode 5: The Tower

Leo starts off in a dream of his childhood, again in the cave with the lost sheep seeing bodies and dangling people and strange carvings. While apparently disturbing, it’s not nearly so much as waking up in the prison, where he has been locked up for sodomy with lots of other prisoners making gay jokes. Leo notices the solitary confinement cell where the bat’s nest so presumably that will be relevant later or he wouldn’t draw such excessive attention to it (they could do what they do on computer games and make the clues sparkle)

Lorenzo is hosting some important guests – King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella of Spain (well, we can simplify it down to “Spain” since she is Queen of Castile and he is King of Aragon, Navarre and several others) who are looking for someone to be their bankers. Lorenzo gives Ferdinand a tour of the business who notes that Rome doesn’t bank with them any more and makes a snarky references to Leonardo, but Lorenzo focuses on business –and how much the Pope has defaulted on what they owe the Medicis.

And Clarice gives Isabella a tour of all the holy artwork that Florence supports – which Father Torquemada and Isabella do not approve of since the statues are NAKED! The lewdness!

Back in the prison Leo picks a fight and gets himself locked in solitary, the naughty boy – with the bats and their crap. Literally. And daddy dearest and his advocate, Pierro pays a visit. He pushes Leo to plead guilty and hopefully escape castration, Leo yells (no surprise) and refuses any pleas or bargains. He is accused of sodomising Jacobo Salterelli and Leo says the man is no victim. Pierro tries to dig up several defences which Leo rejects or ignores and rants that he hasn’t be brought the specific plant for dinner he asked for – until he finds it. His instability seems more apparent. When pushed about the plants by the jailor he begins a lecture on bat’s echolocation and how these plants rely on bats for pollenating and echo more than the average leaf – with some added CGI for funsies. He uses the leaf to attract the bat and Pierro hits on insanity as a defence in light of Leo’s ramblings

Clarice and Lorenzo discuss their visitors, Lorenzo disparaging Isabella’s tastes but reflecting that without the Rome’s accounts, they need Spain. Clarice considers the difficulties the Spanish are having at home with their wars and suggests entertainment, a distraction – and to set Guiliano on it, a grand theatrical performance. Oh that doesn’t sound like a great idea. Lorenzo has as little faith in his brother as I do.

The court session begins and the plotting Pazzi is the prosecutor, much to Pierro’s annoyance. But he causes a stir by telling the court he will contest all the charges. Leo makes an opening statement about his study of nature, having nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to defend and he condemns the political motives behind the accusation. It’s a defence that doesn’t expressly deny the charges. In the audience Vanessa snarks to Zoroaster that she can vouch for him though he

See what they did there? Leo makes a statement that doesn’t expressly refute the fact he’s gay, so the writers have Vanessa speak up to remind us he likes women – just in case all the explicit straight sex scenes so far left you in any doubt.

Next up with have Father Torquemada preaching against sodomy and how evil and sinful it is and how the leaders of Florence encourage it by not burning all sodomites. More hellfire and brimstone before recess. Leo tells his father he’s heard of Guiliano’s play (and Pierro, rightly, is annoyed at how distracted Leo is) and asks him to give a page of gibberish to Zoroaster. Leo insists it’s in cypher and has a recommendation for the play for Guiliano. Pierro is convinced prison is affecting Leo’s mind.

Guiliano hangs around Verrocchio’s office discussing what play to put on (and not because there are naked female models being sketched). They’re somewhat at a loss. Pierro arrives to deliver the message to Zoroaster and, in his eternal quest to endear himself to the Medicis, passes on Leo’s suggestion. It’s funny, it’s written by someone from Florence – but it has a lot of sex in it (but it’s between a man and woman so no problem. Kind of like Da Vinci’s Demons then).

Back to court and Salterelli, the “victim” is now on the dock. He claims he was hired to pose nude and paid very handsomely for it – and for his silence; the secret that Leo forced himself on Salterelli. Pierro responds by pointing out Salterelli went out celebrating after his rape and then asks some graphic questions about what actually happened. Pazzi objects to the public humiliation of the questioning. Pierro is dragged up before the Magistrate in a private council and threatened to drop his questioning – the Magistrate adds that Leo is already guilty, the trial is a performance, it’s already been decided and he has to play his part or suffer the consequences. Yes, the Magistrate is plotting against the Medicis as well.

Pierro’s back us up and he doesn’t back down and accuses Salterelli of being a prostitute and asks how much he’s being paid for his performance in court. The court is quickly adjourned and Leo praises his father; Pierro makes it clear he didn’t do it for Leo (inspired by loyalty to the Medicis it seems). He tells Leo that Leo disgusts him because some part of Salterelli’s story is true – he accuses Leo of treating life like a game and that Rome has plotted against them.

The Magistrate has his own worries which he shares with Pazzi, how the “hustler” is going to hurt their case. He’s worried he’ll look corrupt if he finds Leo guilty – and Pazzi tells him he’ll do what he’s told. The Magistrate clarifies, as an elected official, he’ll do what he’s paid to do. Ah, democracy in action! Pazzi assures the Magistrate that he will be paid, Riario is willing to put lots of money into it – and a delay in the case may help further embarrass Lorenzo and unhinge Leo.

In the market, Zoroaster and Nicco are following Leo’s cryptic note – which is a shopping list. Nicco is surprised that Leo is being tried for Sodomy since, in Florence, the law isn’t usually enforced.

Captain Dragonetti and his men ransack Leo’s workshop – this is almost a weekly occurrence by now- much to Varracchio’s outrage. They find anatomical sketches and take them as evidence. They’re presented in court, showing the detail Leo put into drawing penises. Even Pierro scoffs at such evidence – but worse they find a notebook Leo kept hidden. Depicting pagan gods or so they think – sketches of the statue he obsessed over, dozens of them. Pazzi adds “sorcery” to the charges.

After the courtroom clears, Lucrezia confronts Pazzi – Riario has plans for Leo, he wants Leo arrested not dead. Lucrezia drags up rumours about Pazzi’s family – his wife dallying with a “mannish maidservant”. She attacks him as reckless and lost to hate of the Medicis and he responds with a not very subtle rape threat.

At the theatre, Lorenzo storms in and kicks everyone out so he can shout at Guiliano about how the extremely devoutly Catholic Isabella will react to a play that’s wall to wall “nun sluts and horny priests!” He orders Guiliano to censor all bawdiness from the play and calls him a dead weight – to which Guiliano replies he should mark him a traitor and have him killed (another snark about Bacchi). Lorenzo punches him and Guiliano punches him back – the brothers brawl with everyone watching on from the wings. Guiliano wins – the one thing he’s better at than Lorenzo.

6 ♥ 5.12.13

Written-By-Numbers Drinking Game: Paranormal Romance

With yet more deja-vu assaulting us, it’s time for another Written-by-Numbers drinking game!

And this week, it’s for Paranormal Romance. Grab your bottles, folks and prepare the stomach pumps (we are not responsible for any alcohol poisoning that may develop - in extreme cases you may want to drink non-alcoholic beverages or American beer))

The Protagonist +1 drink if

    Protagonist is sexually inexperienced
        +1 drink if actually a virgin
        +1 drink if previous romantic interests were terrible

    Protagonist is conventionally attractive but considers herself ugly
        +1 drink if she considers herself “fat” which actually means “has curves and big breasts”
        +1 drink for every conventionally attractive feature she finds hideous
        +1 drink if she feels the need to describe herself at length

    Protagonist believes she will die an old maid surrounded by cats
        +1 drink if she’s under 40
        empty the glass if she’s under 30
        empty the bottle if she’s under 25

    Protagonist has a pointless/unfulfilled life
        +1 drink for miserable relationships
        +1 drink for lonely
        +1 drink for dead end job
        +1 drink for no job

The Love Interest +1 drink if

    Even if thousands of year old, he will adhere to modern beauty standards and have perfect teeth

    Has a ridiculously huge penis
        +1 drink if the actual measurements are described
        finish the damn glass for a hyperbolic description (“size of a baby’s arm” “couldn’t wrap fist around it”)
        finish the damn glass if virginal heroine has no problem with this

    Is a supernatural creature that mystically “bonds” with their mate
        +1 drink if said bond makes him obsessive
        +1 drink if said bond makes him jealous
        Finish the damn glass if said bond makes him violent

    Is a supernatural creature that could hurt or kill his lover
        +1 drink if she doesn’t even pause to think about it
        finish the damn glass if he’s ESPECIALLY dangerous to her

    Has a terrible tragic, horrendous past
        +1 drink murdered family
        +1 drink betrayed
        +1 drink enslaved
        +1 drink tortured
        +1 drink raped
        All of the above: Finish the bottle.
        Finish the glass if tragic past means he can’t trust or love ever again
        Refill the glass and empty again if tragic past means he tries to drive the Protagonist away and treats her like shit
        Empty bottle if the magical healing vagina cures centuries of torture.

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